Didi's back, with a new column -- and we're glad she is, especially since she's no longer submitting her articles on cocktail napkins.

Dottie Lux, hamming it up

Armed with an umbrella from hell, I decided to bare the elements and stroll over to Dottie Lux's birthday bash at Galapagos Art Space in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. On tap was a two-part festivity, the first of which was to feature some good old-fashioned SMUT (a "high-risk reading/performance series") and the latter of which would be a performance from Dottie Lux's cast of clowns.

Upon arriving, I spoke with Abe Goldfarb, the guest host of SMUT, a series where performers read their most valuable dirty writings through means of poetry and/or the spoken word. "It is your weekly filth and that can be very good for you," Abe said.

The performance started with Abe's sex toy review, which I immediately suspected had little to do with the presents I received under the Christmas tree as a young girl. My thoughts were soon confirmed. Two highlights of the review were:

• The "Fleshlight," a fake vagina that Abe described as "very user friendly and oh so easy to clean."

• The "Aneros" or "The Gentlemen's Rabbit," a male spot stimulator which "can be like having pizza orgasms, stunning reactions and is completely mind blowing." Abe added that the Aneros is also easy to clean depending on your situation. Very simple and portable. An ideal gift for family and friends on any occasion.

More SMUT was soon to follow...

The first performer, Courtney Weber, spoke about spirituality, redemption and mediocre sex. Her performance was embellished with tribal drumming and beautiful birdcalls. Courtney is an extremely exotic member of the pagan world. Clad in blue dragon tattoos, she shared her thoughts: "Will I be your goddess and you my king tonight... sharing a healthy dose of DNA...."

Ari Anthrax

Next up was Ari Anthrax, a go-go dancer and a proud purveyor of the burlesque-and-drag fashion complement from a very young age. Ari is also a filmmaker. Her first documentary is called "Queens of New York" and, as you might have guessed, is about NYC drag queens. Ari informed us that "people extract a character for who they already are" and that "being yourself is like being eight people at once."

Poet Erica Lutzner, a former professional chef, recited poetry accentuated with a healthy dose of kitchen knives. (More knives later, stay tuned.) Erica and her knives were vastly entertaining. She told us: "I put an ad on Craigslist for a new heart," "good serotonin is a must," "bacon is nature's candy" and "going down on you is like learning a language." Please check her out. She is one talented chef.

Now, to get into a bit of clowning around....

The second part of the show featured Dottie's Red Hots, a burlesque "celebration of creativity, comedy and intellect" (see: http://redhotsburlesque.com). For the evening, the group chose clown face as the performance theme. Dottie, who is the founder of the Hots, said her birthday comes once a year and every year it's in the month of March (which clearly shows a high level of consistency on Dottie's part). But don't get her a gift, she said, "just wear a red nose."

Performer ROC (from Barcelona) appeared on stage, along with a battalion of balloons. ROC is a member the "Disgraceland" and the "Coney Island Family Freakshow" sideshows. On stage, ROC concealed his entire face with one balloon! "Please don't try this alone," he warned, "it could be quite addicting."

Velocity Chyaldd

The next fabulous performer was the one and only Velocity Chyaldd, who performed a piece entitled "Paloma Negra" (from the movie soundtrack of "Frida") about a self-destructive jilted lover who makes love to herself through the use of knives. (I promised you more knives.) Velocity was awesome! By the way, she is also the sole producer of !BadAss! Burlesque, which as Velocity puts it is "the sexiest monthly cycle you'll ever have."

Gal Friday

Gal Friday, dressed in a white tutu (and clown face, of course), performed next. GF runs a show on Friday nights at 10:30pm called "Lucky Fridays" at the famous Lucky Cheng's on the Lower East Side. She also performs Sundays at a show called "Kitty Nights," run by Fem Appeal and Burgundy Brixx. It takes place 9:00pm at Bar On A (11th Street & Avenue A). Both shows are free and you'll be sure to find the most incredible unknown talented people there.

Well, the night is winding down and I could really use a piece of birthday cake, but I'll probably get distracted. In fact, Smarky the clown has just offered his generous services of tying me up -- and if that's not really clowning around what else is? On that note, I think it's time for this clown to bid adieux. Till next time...

Didi (2nd from right) clowning around at Dottie's bash