Didi's back, with a new column — and we're glad she is, especially since she's no longer submitting her articles on cocktail napkins.

The 7th annual Miss Lez Pageant at Luna Lounge, Williamsburg, Brooklyn NY

I began my day with a llama, courtesy of the kiddie exhibit in Sunset Park. I don't know why the park had the llama on its grounds – who knows maybe it was Llama Week or Llama Month. Nevertheless, after spending some quality time with the animal, I removed my curlers and, later that night, headed to the Miss Lez Pageant (a "wildly provocative, edgy jaw-dropping alternative beauty pageant for queer womyn in NY," according to the flyer).

	The Winner: I Heart Brooklyn Girls

What an explosive night it was. First off, I met up with Glenn Marla, Miss Lez 2006. She's beautiful and she can work it. Glenn is a go-go dancer and a tap dancer and "loves, loves the stage." She told me that at the end of her closing number she would be handing the Miss Lez crown over to this year's winner ("I Heart Brooklyn Girls" – more on her soon, I promise).

I hung out backstage with the Miss Lez candidates and they all appeared very confident. Wildcard was the first contestant up. She said her platform (that is, her theme for the night) is "My Noonie will set you free." For you kids who don't know what a "Noonie" is, well, let me just say, if you're a woman, look between your legs, you'll find it. Anyway, I did not doubt Wildcard's claim, she appeared to have plenty of talent and sexy Sophia Loren-like looks.

While I chatted with the contestants, promoter and stage manager Dee Dee was running round explaining that she has a lot of adrenaline. "If two bricks hit my windshield," she said, "I would still be sitting high and proud on my seat." She's tough, no doubt. In addition to promoting the pageant, Dee Dee also promotes a Queen party rockfest called "Heavy Eyeliner." For more info, see http://myspace.com/heavyeyelinerparty.

The second contestant up was Miss Metropolitan, who portrayed the one and only Grace Jones. She covered Grace's "Stings Demolition Man" and what a smash she was. I asked contestant #3, Miss Starlette, what her platform was for the evening. She responded: "Kick the right wing religion while they are down and party on Gerry Farwell's' grave. Now cemeteries can be scary but his cemetery is to die for."

Didi and Sequinette

I took a pause from the contestants to speak with the pageant's judges, which included the famous Wau-Wau Sisters (who are extremely talented and highly in demand) and Sequinette, who has a beautiful Barbarella figure. Believe me, you can not get her out of your sight. Another judge, promoter Linda Simpson, runs a weekly party called "Slurp" and is one gorgeous woman.

The next contest I spoke with was Miss Snapshot, whose platform was Billy Idol, and you could not ask for "More, More, More,!!!" She performed "White Wedding" and said that it stood for gay marriage. She told me, "I create, document and protect the eclectic queer life."

Miss Caddy Shack also had a truly cool platform – something I can easily identify with – a drunk puppet. "[I'm] sticking to my barbarian roots," she said, "and taking the world one clit at a time." Miss Go NYC was another spectacular contestant. Her platform was "Pussies Squirt Too" – and who could argue with that?

Contestant "I Heart Brooklyn Girls" was the "winner" for the evening. She graced the crowd with a tremendous hip-hop/rap performance. Her platform was teaching the audience about the Bay Watch Babes and, by the way, she also has a calendar out, so check it out because it's always good to know what days of the week your working towards.

I spoke with movie directors Lola Rock and Rolla and Jonathan Less. They are working on a documentary about "the hardest working man in show business," Mr. Murray Hill (who was the pageant's host). The film is scheduled for release in early autumn.

The hardest working man and the hardest working gal in show business. Photo: Tharin Smothers

I headed over to chat with Mr. Murray Hill himself as he worked the stage. I asked him about the beauty pageant and he said, "Well, you have Wigstock and a lot of other trans parties going on. I wanted to create another exciting event. This is the first queer and trans pageant ever."

I asked him what the difference is between the gay community in Williamsburg and Park Slope. "The gay community in Williamsburg," he answered, "is a much younger crowd, more rock and roll. The gay community in Park Slope is more family oriented, pushing strollers, adopting babies and living for Starbucks."

The night continued with the "party after party" featuring DJ Dirty Jean playing all those rocking beats that keeps the night shaking until sunrise. I went out for a smoke and met up with Nancy Napavia, a prime lez party girl about town. Nancy will be featured in a forthcoming Time Out magazine as a person to look out for.

Nancy and I split a beer and swapped some spit. I asked her what her platform would be if she ever decided to enter the contest. She said, "If I was going to attend the next talent show, I would like to have a child with a giraffe or a polar bear." Hearing this, I gave her my ring and said I would most definitely like to witness that. I'm sure she would be the winner. She would certainly get my vote, anyway...

Didi practices her Oratorio chops on the way to Miss Lez