© 2006 Dr. Dot, NY Rock
Dr. Dot (a nickname given by Frank Zappa in 1988) has tended to the musical elite for nearly two decades. She describes
herself as a "rock chick" who, as a teenager, wanted to meet her musical heroes without trading sexual favors. Instead, Dr.
Dot offered massages, which she had been perfecting since she was five years old. Clients have included Sting, Eminem, the Rolling
Stones, Sheryl Crow, Robert Plant, Kiss, Aerosmith, Blondie, Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, Vin Diesel, R. Kelly and Bruce Willis.
She recently completed her first American book, "Butt-Naked and Backstage: Diary of the World's Greatest Rock and Roll
Submit a question to Dr. Dot
Hey there Doc,
I'm a 26-year-old ladies-club entertainer. The day I was given a job at
this club where I perform, the owner told me that it was coz of, what she
called, "a wonderful body and a huge cock."
The owner is 35, single and usually tells me to have sex with her to
please her. I have to do it to keep my job. But lately she is telling me to
bare her a child or leave the job. I won't have trouble getting another
job (I have had offers from clubs in other cities), but I wanna stay here as my
mistress lives in this town. I also have a great fan following with all of my
shows having full houses.
So the problem is that I can't leave the club due to my fans and mistress
and if I stay I have to get this lady pregnant. Even though I know that
she will not get a stripper as well hung as me (I am 13 inches when hard) in this town,
but still I don't want to take a chance. A few weeks back she even auditioned
a new stripper but coz of the pressure from the crowd (they were all inches
behind me) she didn't hire him. I love this city and the fact that women like
me so much here. I don't have a problem fucking her as it's part of my profession;
in fact I've even had sex with the women my boss pays me to service.
But making her pregnant with my child is something I don't wanna do. What should I do?
- Randy Randy
Oh God, you do have huge problems. Sounds like everyone is fighting over
your big ol' cock. Poor baby, it must be HELL. I really hope you are
saving up for a pension/retirement fund as such a job is definitely not a
long-term career. I find this situation hard to swallow. It sounds like a
fantasy you made up. (First sign of a bluff: any guy with a 13-inch cock,
who wants to make a living with his body, wouldn't waste his time with
stripping, he would go straight to porn where the big bucks are.) But I
will give you the benefit of the doubt and answer you.
If you are sure that you have so much power with your mega meat, then get
a job at a new club as soon as possible! Staying with your power-hungry
horny boss will just lead to a giant mess no matter what. The
whole situation sounds like a nice round for the Jerry Springer
show. Dying to know which city this mess is taking place in. I will cross
my fingers that all works out fine for you and your cock.
- Dr. Dot
I have been married four years; my husband and I have a child together
that is almost a year old. Recently he has been working out of town for about a
month. He calls me pretty late one night sounding upset saying we need to
talk. Then he tells me that he's been receiving and sending text
messages to a very good friend of mine. It then comes to my attention
that these are sexual messages that sound a lot like the things he says to me.
He said he is sorry and begged me for forgiveness but I still am not
sure if I know the whole truth (how long it was going on/how many
text messages and pics were sent back and forth).
How can I start to forgive my husband and
can I really forget what they have done to me? Should I try to work things out
with him or leave him regardless that we have a baby? Can sex ever be the
same knowing that he said those special things that he said to me to her
whether he meant them or not? HELP DOT!
First of all, I am wondering how the fuck did he get her number?
Don't you know that you should NEVER leave your man alone with your gal
pals and vice versa?
You can give him another chance since he was honest and up front about it.
Better that he
told you than you finding out another way. Tell your "girlfriend" she is
a back-stabbing whore and she will burn in Hell. Accept no excuses from her;
you don't need "friends" like that around you. Tell him if it happens again, you
and the kid walk, no questions asked.
Thank him for being honest and tell him to make new lines for you as you
having his old lines he used on that bitch. Tell him to get a fucking
imagination and use it with you and that he needs to focus on his
priorities or he will lose them for good.
When and if you resume having sex with him again, perhaps it would be
better if there were no words during sex. Tell him,
"Please, I don't want to hear any lines, as they may not be original,
shut up and fuck me!" Sounds rude, but it will work.
Everyone deserves one chance to fuck up, he just used his up. But you
have to promise yourself to keep your word.
Child or not, you have to keep your self respect.
Hopefully he is treating you well, that is the important thing! You
could demand a vacation for his idiotic behavior;
this will make you both feel better. You won't feel like an ass for
forgiving him. He will feel he is earning his way out of the doghouse,
and you can hopefully start over fresh and clean.
- Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
My girlfriend's vagina gets so big during sex, like a paint can!
I guess paint can is kinda rude, but that's what we call it, in blunt
opening gets WIDE -- like an opening to a paint can. (I'm not small, but not
around as a paint can.) It gets so slippery that is feels like my cock is
just a hot dog tossed down a hallway. It only gets like that when she's really into it and a
"gusher" occurs. So I guess she's ejaculating? But my girlfriend, who is
clean, wants to know what is a gusher. (It's definitely not her pee!) And
she said it's never
happened before me.
- Wondering Willy
The gushing of juices is her cumming (ejaculating). The clit is just a
tiny penis. Sorry,
but it's true. We all start out the same, and the clit grows into a penis
for the man and stays small for the female (and some very unfortunate men).
Grab a towel when she cums and wipe her dry, then continue as usual.
Go deep in her, then tell her to cross her legs (while you are still in
there deep) and it will feel really tight!
She should clench her legs together really tight while you fuck her, you
can do this in the missionary position or while she lays on her stomach. It
feels amazing and makes you feel like you are shagging a virgin. (This
so well if you have a very short dick.)
Keeping it dry and having her squeeze you will fix your problem (some
guys pray for their girl to be wet,
it means you are doing it oooh so right).
She could Kegel (a pussy exercise that tightens the muscles). Tell her
to stop her flow repeatedly when she urinates. That is the Kegel exercise.
This will help get her "paint can" tighter.
- Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
I started seeing a new man in July and one of the first things I asked
him was, "Do you smoke?" and he said, "Not really." So I just disregarded
the subject and fell head over heels for this wonderful hunk. We get
along great and have mind blowing sex, but now I find out he has been
smoking all the while behind my back and it causes us to argue all the
time. I told him I don't date smokers and he claims he only smokes once
in a while and has been trying to quit for me but just can't do it right
now. I hate how it smells and have seen too many relatives die of lung
cancer to just let it go. We are now in love so it's hard to just walk
away. This is driving me crazy. I am the world's most adamant non-smoker,
so caring for a smoker feels horrible. HELP!
I totally understand you as I personally despise cigarettes and hate it
how smokers assume everyone should just deal with their dirty addiction.
It's a slow, expensive form of suicide and sadly, a very popular one.
My uncle smoked for 18 years and I nagged him all the while and then he
finally got hypnotized (it cost $200) and he has never touched a
cigarette since. That was seven years ago.
Your man has to really want to quit or it won't work. Tell him his spunk
tastes like nicotine and tar. Mention that kissing him is like licking an
ashtray and it turns you off. Maybe that will encourage him to lay off
the cancer sticks. The real question you need to ask yourself is
will you still be there for him when he is on one of those oxygen
- Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
My fiancÚ and I live and work together, so we are around each other
basically 24/7 except when we work out. What was once a fun and exciting
fling has now turned into a suffocating nightmare. We do love each other
but being around each other so much has killed our sexual desire for one
another. I thought you would have some tips to save our love.
- Cramped Collins
I am surprised you haven't killed each other yet. There is no faster way
to destroy love then to be together constantly (don't know how it worked
for John and Yoko). If at all possible, change the work situation and if
that doesn't work, invest in a bigger place to live and have separate
bedrooms. Don't sleep next to each other every night and make sure you both
go out with your own friends as much as you can. Not to start living
separate lives but to at least have different experiences you can tell
each other about over dinner. This sounds like HELL to me quite
honestly... a nightmare! Make space before it's too late. Someone needs to
quit the job and fast.
- Dr. Dot
I am 53 and my ex girlfriend is 38. We were together for five years
when she left me (she didn't really say why, but I think it's because I
am starting to show my age). She supposedly has a new boyfriend but still
invites me over a couple nights a week to watch films with her over a
glass of wine. We always get cozy on the couch and end up snuggling which
makes me rock hard and dying to poke her. She doesn't say a word about it
or make any inviting moves. I am afraid if I do she will end our
"friendship." I am totally smitten with her and want her back. Should I
make a move or just be happy with the snuggling?
You are 53 and are afraid to make a move? Over the age of 50 you should
think, "fuck it, I have nothing to lose, we only live once" and be very
ballsy about such things. I'm wondering about her character for two
reasons. First, she has a boyfriend but invites you to snuggle over a
glass of wine on a regular basis... maybe she would do this if she was
yours again with another guy as well. Second, she dumped you because you
are starting to show your age? What a superficial bitch. Just come right
out and say, "Listen, I feel you are teasing me and my cock and I can't
take it any longer. Either shag me or stop inviting me over." You have
to be a man about it and find out what her game is. If she declines, then
move on. You are too old to be teased. If she agrees, you are on your way
back into her... ahem, heart.
- Dr. Dot
Hi Dr. Dot,
I have been all over your web sites and think you look
fabulous. I want to know what your secrets are on how to stay in shape
and look so healthy. I have gained at least five pounds since Thanksgiving
and my face is breaking out! No one will want to fuck me looking like
this. I need help FAST!
- Porky Pam
Start power walking and/or jogging every day for at least 40 minutes. I
don't know how heavy you are, so I can only suggest jogging. If you are
huge, then stick to the power walking. Eat every two hours, but something
small, like some cheese and an apple, then in two hours, tofu and a
veggie, then nuts and a half of banana, then fish (ew, I hate fish) and
some salad. You get the idea. Small meals but very often. Bring healthy
food with you everywhere. People will think you're nuts, but it really
works. This will jumpstart your metabolism. Just make sure you don't eat
for at least two hours before bed. Why put gas in a car that will be parked
As far as your skin is concerned, change your pillowcase
every other night; this really helps! Take two aspirins and crush them with
the bottom of a glass. Then add a bit of water and make a paste and rub
it all over your face, especially where the zits are. Leave on for 15
minutes then wash off with cold water (for a more dramatic effect, throw
in an alka-seltzer tablet with the aspirin). This will rid the zits and
make you look like you just had a wonderful shag. Drink loads of water
and avoid sugar, smoking, caffeine and alcohol. This should help, but you
have to stick with it.
- Dr. Dot
I got my girlfriend pregnant, but not on purpose. She told me she was on
the pill and I thought it was safe to shoot my love into her. We have
only been going out for two months and we are both young (I am 20 and she
is 23). I like her but don't love her enough to spend the rest of my life
with her or to support a child with her. She just sent me an email
telling me this and I am too shocked to respond. How can I get her to get
rid of the baby? Answer as soon as possible.
- Petrified Pat
For you and all the other guys reading this, always use a condom if you
don't want a baby or a disease! My brother used to say, "I don't bathe
with my socks on, so I'm not gonna fuck with a condom on." Now he
has kids all over the place. But back to your present dilemma. Ask to
meet her in a public place so there is less screaming/drama. Sit down
with her and look her in the eyes and say, "So, what do you plan to do?"
This is a neutral question that will force her to speak her mind and it
doesn't make you against or for keeping the baby. Hence, when her
decision comes out, you will be on her good side no matter what. You
can't change a woman's mind about such a thing and if you say you are
against her having it, and she does have it, she will hold it against you
forever and will probably tell the kid too once it gets older. If she has
it, it doesn't mean you have to be with her for life, it just means you
are a father and should support the child any way you can, which can be
the most rewarding, beautiful thing one can do in this life. Procreation:
isn't that what we are all here for anyway?
- Dr. Dot
A man I know gave me a very expensive diamond necklace for Christmas and
I love it, but I know he is into me much more than I am into him. I am
not sure if it's okay to keep it or not. I mean, I feel obligated to him
now. What would you do in my shoes?
- Bling Baby
I would pawn it off and buy the complete Frank Zappa collection on CD and
vinyl. No, seriously, if you aren't gonna sleep with the guy, give it
back and say, "It's gorgeous, but I could only accept that if we were a
couple, and I'm just doing my own thing right now." No jewelry is worth
the drama of obligation. Save up and get your own bling. The self respect
that comes with it makes you radiate self confidence, which is the world's
- Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
I have been with a great guy for about 16 months. We have a great sex
life and have been engaged since June. At first, I think I had an emotional block
preventing me from having an orgasm, but now I have a hard time, I think,
'cause there's no foreplay and he cums too quickly. It leaves me feeling very
used. He feels bad and says that he can't help it, that I turn him on and that he
doesn't know how to (or even want to) stop when he comes close to
orgasm to take care of my needs first. It doesn't always happen, but I find that
things are done too fast and sometimes it hurts because I'm not aroused enough.
How do I get the boy to think not only of his needs? How do I even know if he
really does have a hard time controlling his orgasm? I really need to know if
that is a real problem with men or if my sexual needs aren't as important to him
as his needs are to me.
- Pissed off Paula
How can you call a one-sided sex life "great"?
The fact that he says "he doesn't want to stop" shows you that he doesn't
give a flying fuck if you cum or not.
He is just in it for himself (that behavior is acceptable and expected on
a one-night stand, but not from a fiancÚ) and why accept
a marriage proposal from a man who doesn't even try to make you cum? Did
you think he would change and suddenly give a shit? Sex usually starts out amazing with a partner and sadly
gets a bit routine after a few years, but it sounds
like it was never good if he doesn't at least lick you until you cum. (It
could be all down hill from here unless you speak up big time!)
It's not a problem with all men (like you asked), just the lazy ones.
Also, you asked how to get him to think of your needs? That is the simple part,
two words: withhold pussy. Make it clear that a quick one-sided
in-and-out is turning you off to the point where you can't be bothered even
fucking him for a while. He should make you cum first,
either with his mouth or his fingers and/or a dildo, etc. If he can't
manage it with his cock, then let your two-minute man go for it. He
sounds like a selfish prick to me. Good
thing you figured out the sex life sucks before you tied the knot. Some
will argue that sex isn't everything, but it is in a sex column.
- Dr. Dot
Ever since I've been on the pill, I have been really moody and needy. My
boyfriend (of two years) likes the fact that
we can fuck without a condom, but hates it that I get moody. In fact,
he actually gets pissed off at me for crying.
This makes it worse. He says it's the pill but I think it's his apathetic
ways that make me sad. When a man rejects your
tears, does that mean he isn't really into you? Shouldn't he be holding me
close and comforting me? Am I nuts?
- Sad Eyed Sadie
The birth-control pill works by tricking our body into thinking it's
always three-months pregnant. That's why we can't get pregnant on the
pill, because we are already pregnant (according to our hormone levels).
How do pregnant women behave? Emotional, clingy, insecure
about their looks, sometimes jealous, sad with mood swings and they get
chubby (no wonder so many men cheat when their woman is pregnant).
So, it's no surprise that you feel that way. But if it gets too extreme,
you need to try a different pill and get that shit under control because
NO man wants a cry baby. They usually get fucking mad when their woman
cries because it makes them feel helpless and guilty and they get mad at you
for making them feel that way. Most prefer a strong, stable woman so they
can be the softy. (Look at Ozzy and Sharon, for example.) Don't bug him
with unexplained, unwarranted tears; Men can't handle all that emotional
Call a friend or relative when you are really down in the blues and talk
it out to see what's really bothering you or you will have a real reason
to cry when he leaves your wimpy ass.
- Dr. Dot
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