© 2005 Dr. Dot, NY Rock
Dr. Dot (a nickname given by Frank Zappa in 1988) has tended to the musical elite for nearly two decades. She describes
herself as a "rock chick" who, as a teenager, wanted to meet her musical heroes without trading sexual favors. Instead, Dr.
Dot offered massages, which she had been perfecting since she was five years old. Clients have included Sting, Eminem, the Rolling
Stones, Sheryl Crow, Robert Plant, Kiss, Aerosmith, Blondie, Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, Vin Diesel, R. Kelly and Bruce Willis.
She recently completed her first American book, "Butt-Naked and Backstage: Diary of the World's Greatest Rock and Roll
Submit a question to Dr. Dot
Hey Dr. Dot,
I have been out of the dating game for years, and I am taking a girl out for the first time in a couple weeks. I want to impress her, make her fall for me
big time. I would love some ideas from you as I love your advice so far. Hook me up Doctor!
- Mighty Matt
First let me tell you a few things to avoid on a first date. Movies: Sitting in the dark for a couple hours with someone you need to get to know is a dumb
idea. Bars: Getting too drunk in a loud bar could end up embarrassing for both of you and make a bad impression. Try a day-time date, like going to the zoo,
or a museum. Wine tasting is good, a picnic with a board game or going to a sporting event are all great options. Make sure you are a good listener and
keep up the eye contact, looking around too much shows you are not interested. No matter how tempting, try not to screw on the first date, anticipation is
the world's greatest aphrodisiac and waiting shows you have respect, self control and proves you are not a player/slut.
P.S. the worst food you can eat on a first date is a falafel (super messy and massive garlic fumes will plague you).
- Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
My boyfriend is a pothead, smokes several times a day. It seems he is always stoned. At first I thought he would change after we got serious together, as
he knows I don't like it. When I ask him to quit, he just smokes behind my back and I can smell it and see it in his eyes that he is high (which insults
my intelligence). Is grass addictive? How can I coax him into going straight?
- Fed-up Francine
If you are a regular reader of my column, you must know by now that I am going to tell you that you can't change a person. If the only "bad" thing in your
eyes that he does is smoke pot, stop nagging about it and he will quit when he is ready. Smoking pot is habit forming, but he can stop if and when he
feels like quitting. You can tell him in a non-threatening way that it contributes to impotency and even weakens one's sex drive, not to mention causes
lung cancer. Set a time limit for yourself, how long you are willing to wait for him to stop getting high. If he exceeds it, then move on, or you will
turn into a raging bitch and start to loathe yourself even more than his pot smoking. If he is apathetic (a side affect of smoking grass) towards you,
that's a different story; that behavior should not be tolerated.
A quick "me or the grass" chat should clear that up. If not, walk and don't look back.
- Dr. Dot
Hi Dr. Dot,
I have a few issues that I need help with. Firstly, I am very concerned about the
size of my penis as it is only 3 inches whilst erect. This has
made me very shy as the last two girlfriends made fun of my size and said that I
was unable to pleasure them. My second problem is that I am 22 and living with
my nan who is very religious and doesn't believe in sex before marriage so that
stops me from bringing girls to the house. So what am I to do? My final problem
is that I have frequent problems with cannabis and even when I try as hard as I
can I can't seem to get off it. It has even lead me to stealing off my nan to
pay for my addiction. Please can you tell me what to do!
You can't change the penis situation, but you can improve your sex routine by giving girls the best oral sex of their lives. You know, having a huge cock
isn't everything in life. In fact, in my experience, the bigger the dick, the bigger the DICK it's attached to. Most really sweet guys have tiny dicks,
they have to try harder and women know this. You will eventually attract the right woman, one who values being treated good in other ways then just being
stuffed good. You can give oral and use dill dos too while you're at it. Women pine after a lover who insists she cums first before he does. All those
things will be on your side.. except, the next part, living with your nan.
If you don't like it, work harder and get your own flat, sneaking girls in and out will just make you look silly. The pot addiction can hurt your sex
drive and make you apathetic. I would stop that habit until you have your own place, as pot can make everything seem ok, when it's not, like stealing
from your nan. You will go to hell for that, not even Dr. Dot can help you on that one. I think there is some sort of viscous cycle going on here. You
smoke because your living and sex situation is bothering you, which makes you steal and feel bad about yourself and to numb it, you smoke again. Did you
know pot makes your dick limp and weak? It is true. Just like any muscle, the more you use it, the stronger and bigger it gets. Forget pot, get busy
wanking and saving for your own flat.
- Dr. Dot
Hi Dr. Dot,
I could use some of your expert love advice. This Asian girl I'm going out with, before I saw her naked, I always thought she had decent boobs. Well,
it turns out she wears a padded bra so they look fine, but she's actually pretty small. I don't really care too much about boob size, I'm totally happy
with a B-cup... One of her boobs a B cup, but then her other boob is way smaller. It's weird, and she told me she's really insecure about it and she
wants to get a boob job. Normally i'm always against boob jobs but when she told me she's going to get a boob job, I could tell she wanted me to discourage
her from getting it and tell her "no don't be crazy, you're fine." But honestly, I think she would be a lot better off with a boob job, even though I
think sticking a saline bag in your chest is gross. I think she's one of the rare exceptions because she's not only very small, but uneven too. She's
really insecure about it and a boob job would not only actually make it look better,
but probably help the way she feels about herself. So I kind of danced around the subject, didn't really encourage or discourage it, but I should
probably take a firm side. And it's not like she's rich either, she's kind of poor so $6,000 is A LOT. What do you think I should do?
- Loving Louie
Look her in the eyes and say "I like you either way, so what ever makes you happy."
That's the ONLY way to get out of this safely. I presume you aren't paying for them (maybe she thinks you will and that's why she mentioned it) so just
put it all in her corner. Otherwise, she may loathe you for encouraging her to change her body, and if she does get the money from you, there is a good
chance she will want to try out her new toys with other guys which could give you a heart attack and empty bank account.
- Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
Hard to believe, but I am almost 30 and have never had an orgasm. The men I have sex with try as hard as they can to get me to cum, but it never happens.
I end up getting pissed off at them and I throw them off of me in a huff. I have tried masturbating, and I can't seem to trip my trigger. Is it possible
some people just can't cum? Is it too late to learn? I am a very sexual woman, but I don't climax. I feel left out, ripped off.
- Frustrated Fan
I think you're better off learning how to make yourself cum before you put the guy through the maze.
Make a hot date with yourself, sip some wine, have a hot bath, shave yourself nice and tidy, and pop your favorite porn into the player. Spread a blanket
out on the floor and put two or three pillows vertically on top of each other, forming what will be your "man." The floor is best for getting up into the
hard to reach spot, also known as your clit. Cover pillows with a towel, as they will get wet. Have some lube and the remote control within reach. Lube up
your favorite hand and lie on top of your hand and the pillows. No need to go inside, as the clit is what needs to be stimulated; this can be done easily
by having your four fingers together (loads of lube) and rocking back and forth on top of your fingers (riding on hand which is between you and pillows).
The pillows need to be vertical, as your legs should drape down on each side of pillows making more pressure on your hand/clit.
Let go of all pointless thoughts, just get selfish and make sure you cum. Once you learn to do that, you will know what pressure and frame of mind it takes
to trip your trigger. Some girls can make themselves cum on a guy much easier than having the guy make her cum. If you are a slight control freak, you may
have to make yourself cum on the guy (you on top for example). As disturbing as it sounds, the clit is just like a tiny penis, in fact, some say it is.
Treat it accordingly. Inner stimulation is fun, but the clit needs action to climax. Also, you could have an affair with your showerhead if it has enough
pressure; bad thing is, if it's too good, you may never leave the bathroom again. Keep me posted so we can celebrate your first orgasm.
- Dr. Dot
I have had a streak of bad luck lately. The men I get in bed are usually packing a tiny penis or can't get it/keep it hard. I am tired of this rumor "size
doesn’t' t matter!" It does to me! How can I tell if a guy is gonna be good in bed or not. I am getting really impatient. Oh, I have never had a kid, so I
am narrow down there if you get my drift; the men are simply "teeny weenies" around here.
A man with a tiny dick made up that "size doesn't matter" rumor by the way. You sound like Goldie Cocks to me, too small, too soft... You need to find the
one that's "just right" for you. A sneaky but sure way to find out what he's packing is make out with him and have an old-fashioned grope session, like
teenagers do. Feel all around his willy through his pants. Even under the pants would work, but you would have more trouble when you don't like what you
find getting out the situation. If you meet his willy and don't think it is up to your size/texture standards, slowly go back to just kissing and say, I
am sorry, this is all too fast for me, I need more time. Unless of course you have the balls to say "well, this isn't what I was expecting, sorry!" Good
luck with that!
- Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
I have been single for about a year now but most of my friends are male. I
finally got a date and told one of my best guy pals, and he flipped out on me
telling me he is annoyed and basically treated me terribly, ending the
conversation with a sarcastic "HAVE A NICE DINNER!!!!" What does this mean??
Is he secretly in love with me?? And if so, why do male friends wait till we get
a simple date before they decide to react? ...By that time it's too late.
- Confused Connie
I know many men who are secretly lusting after/in love with their best gal pal.
It is kinda hard for men and women to be just friends without any sexual tension
or jealousy when a member of the opposite sex comes into the picture. If the guy
friend shows jealousy or discomfort at all, it shows he was indeed waiting
around for your friendship to turn into something more, be it just sex or love.
So the good news is, you had a secret admirer all along. Bad news is, he didn't
have the balls to act on it. Guy pals are often writing me and asking me how to
take it further and I just tell them to go for it, what will be, will be. If
they don't act at all and lash out on you when you get a date, it shows his lack
of confidence and it shows his nasty side, both of which are a turn off. The
dating game is also a survival of the fittest situation, and if you snooze, you
loose. It is all up to your moody guy pal to apologize and up to you if you want
to continue the charade. You can't help it if you are irresistible.
- Dr. Dot
Dear Dr. Dot,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and finally agreed to tie the
knot in Spain. All of his family and mine met there for the expensive, exclusive
event. The night before the wedding, I found myself alone with his Blackberry in
our hotel room. I couldn't help but see the names "Hannah," "Anna," and three other
girl names on the main screen, as in, he had written to them that day, fresh
mail. I read them all and broke down in tears to read the naughty things he
wrote to each one, like "I hope you miss my love tool," etc., things that pointed
to him having affairs with all of these women. He is very good looking and
wealthy (and only 38), but then again so am I. I confronted him. He denied it in
vain and finally admitted to the affairs. I made him write to each one telling
them it is over and he is now a married, loyal man. We went through with the
wedding, as I felt pressure, everyone was there and I believed his tears of
regret, but I can barely eat since then and feel betrayed and livid, but still
love him. I will be grateful for any words of wisdom.
- Sad Lisa
Most women would have stood at the altar and said "No, I do NOT take this man,
as he is a cheating asshole", but you took the other route. There are three ways to
deal with this situation in my opinion. First, become apathetic about his
affairs, turn the blind eye to his physical escapes with other women. After all,
he chose you to marry, so he must love you. He has sex with other women; this
doesn't mean he loves them. You have to be pretty strong to use this method, the
"I don't care what or who you do when we are not together, just make sure you
treat me right!" But you really have to stick to the "don't ask, don't tell"
attitude, which is hard if you really love someone. Second, forgive him and
start over, but you may turn into a mistrusting, paranoid, insecure nag: "what
took you so long to get home, who were you with?" This is exhausting and will
age you fast. Third, just turn around and walk away. Keep your self-respect and
esteem while they are still in tact. If it was just one woman, it would be a tad
easier, but your guy seems to be a Johnny Apple seed type, hard to tame such a
man. Sometimes forgiving a cheater gives you the upper hand. Look at Kobe
Bryant's wife. It may boil down to finding out what is more important to you,
having the upper hand, or a man you can really trust.
- Dr. Dot
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