NY Rock: Dear Dr. Dot

Hey Matt,
First let me tell you a few things to avoid on a first date. Movies: Sitting in the dark for a couple hours with someone you need to get to know is a dumb idea. Bars: Getting too drunk in a loud bar could end up embarrassing for both of you and make a bad impression. Try a day-time date, like going to the zoo, or a museum. Wine tasting is good, a picnic with a board game or going to a sporting event are all great options. Make sure you are a good listener and keep up the eye contact, looking around too much shows you are not interested. No matter how tempting, try not to screw on the first date, anticipation is the world's greatest aphrodisiac and waiting shows you have respect, self control and proves you are not a player/slut.

P.S. the worst food you can eat on a first date is a falafel (super messy and massive garlic fumes will plague you).
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
My boyfriend is a pothead, smokes several times a day. It seems he is always stoned. At first I thought he would change after we got serious together, as he knows I don't like it. When I ask him to quit, he just smokes behind my back and I can smell it and see it in his eyes that he is high (which insults my intelligence). Is grass addictive? How can I coax him into going straight?
- Fed-up Francine

Dear Francine,
If you are a regular reader of my column, you must know by now that I am going to tell you that you can't change a person. If the only "bad" thing in your eyes that he does is smoke pot, stop nagging about it and he will quit when he is ready. Smoking pot is habit forming, but he can stop if and when he feels like quitting. You can tell him in a non-threatening way that it contributes to impotency and even weakens one's sex drive, not to mention causes lung cancer. Set a time limit for yourself, how long you are willing to wait for him to stop getting high. If he exceeds it, then move on, or you will turn into a raging bitch and start to loathe yourself even more than his pot smoking. If he is apathetic (a side affect of smoking grass) towards you, that's a different story; that behavior should not be tolerated. A quick "me or the grass" chat should clear that up. If not, walk and don't look back.
- Dr. Dot

Hi Dr. Dot,
I have a few issues that I need help with. Firstly, I am very concerned about the size of my penis as it is only 3 inches whilst erect. This has made me very shy as the last two girlfriends made fun of my size and said that I was unable to pleasure them. My second problem is that I am 22 and living with my nan who is very religious and doesn't believe in sex before marriage so that stops me from bringing girls to the house. So what am I to do? My final problem is that I have frequent problems with cannabis and even when I try as hard as I can I can't seem to get off it. It has even lead me to stealing off my nan to pay for my addiction. Please can you tell me what to do!
- Matthew

Hi Matthew,
You can't change the penis situation, but you can improve your sex routine by giving girls the best oral sex of their lives. You know, having a huge cock isn't everything in life. In fact, in my experience, the bigger the dick, the bigger the DICK it's attached to. Most really sweet guys have tiny dicks, they have to try harder and women know this. You will eventually attract the right woman, one who values being treated good in other ways then just being stuffed good. You can give oral and use dill dos too while you're at it. Women pine after a lover who insists she cums first before he does. All those things will be on your side.. except, the next part, living with your nan.

If you don't like it, work harder and get your own flat, sneaking girls in and out will just make you look silly. The pot addiction can hurt your sex drive and make you apathetic. I would stop that habit until you have your own place, as pot can make everything seem ok, when it's not, like stealing from your nan. You will go to hell for that, not even Dr. Dot can help you on that one. I think there is some sort of viscous cycle going on here. You smoke because your living and sex situation is bothering you, which makes you steal and feel bad about yourself and to numb it, you smoke again. Did you know pot makes your dick limp and weak? It is true. Just like any muscle, the more you use it, the stronger and bigger it gets. Forget pot, get busy wanking and saving for your own flat.
- Dr. Dot

Hi Dr. Dot,
I could use some of your expert love advice. This Asian girl I'm going out with, before I saw her naked, I always thought she had decent boobs. Well, it turns out she wears a padded bra so they look fine, but she's actually pretty small. I don't really care too much about boob size, I'm totally happy with a B-cup... One of her boobs a B cup, but then her other boob is way smaller. It's weird, and she told me she's really insecure about it and she wants to get a boob job. Normally i'm always against boob jobs but when she told me she's going to get a boob job, I could tell she wanted me to discourage her from getting it and tell her "no don't be crazy, you're fine." But honestly, I think she would be a lot better off with a boob job, even though I think sticking a saline bag in your chest is gross. I think she's one of the rare exceptions because she's not only very small, but uneven too. She's really insecure about it and a boob job would not only actually make it look better, but probably help the way she feels about herself. So I kind of danced around the subject, didn't really encourage or discourage it, but I should probably take a firm side. And it's not like she's rich either, she's kind of poor so $6,000 is A LOT. What do you think I should do?
- Loving Louie

Dear Louie,
Look her in the eyes and say "I like you either way, so what ever makes you happy." That's the ONLY way to get out of this safely. I presume you aren't paying for them (maybe she thinks you will and that's why she mentioned it) so just put it all in her corner. Otherwise, she may loathe you for encouraging her to change her body, and if she does get the money from you, there is a good chance she will want to try out her new toys with other guys which could give you a heart attack and empty bank account.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
Hard to believe, but I am almost 30 and have never had an orgasm. The men I have sex with try as hard as they can to get me to cum, but it never happens. I end up getting pissed off at them and I throw them off of me in a huff. I have tried masturbating, and I can't seem to trip my trigger. Is it possible some people just can't cum? Is it too late to learn? I am a very sexual woman, but I don't climax. I feel left out, ripped off.
- Frustrated Fan

Dear FF,
I think you're better off learning how to make yourself cum before you put the guy through the maze. Make a hot date with yourself, sip some wine, have a hot bath, shave yourself nice and tidy, and pop your favorite porn into the player. Spread a blanket out on the floor and put two or three pillows vertically on top of each other, forming what will be your "man." The floor is best for getting up into the hard to reach spot, also known as your clit. Cover pillows with a towel, as they will get wet. Have some lube and the remote control within reach. Lube up your favorite hand and lie on top of your hand and the pillows. No need to go inside, as the clit is what needs to be stimulated; this can be done easily by having your four fingers together (loads of lube) and rocking back and forth on top of your fingers (riding on hand which is between you and pillows). The pillows need to be vertical, as your legs should drape down on each side of pillows making more pressure on your hand/clit.

Let go of all pointless thoughts, just get selfish and make sure you cum. Once you learn to do that, you will know what pressure and frame of mind it takes to trip your trigger. Some girls can make themselves cum on a guy much easier than having the guy make her cum. If you are a slight control freak, you may have to make yourself cum on the guy (you on top for example). As disturbing as it sounds, the clit is just like a tiny penis, in fact, some say it is. Treat it accordingly. Inner stimulation is fun, but the clit needs action to climax. Also, you could have an affair with your showerhead if it has enough pressure; bad thing is, if it's too good, you may never leave the bathroom again. Keep me posted so we can celebrate your first orgasm.
- Dr. Dot

Dear DD,
I have had a streak of bad luck lately. The men I get in bed are usually packing a tiny penis or can't get it/keep it hard. I am tired of this rumor "size doesn’t' t matter!" It does to me! How can I tell if a guy is gonna be good in bed or not. I am getting really impatient. Oh, I have never had a kid, so I am narrow down there if you get my drift; the men are simply "teeny weenies" around here.

Cheers,
- Sally

Dear Sally,
A man with a tiny dick made up that "size doesn't matter" rumor by the way. You sound like Goldie Cocks to me, too small, too soft... You need to find the one that's "just right" for you. A sneaky but sure way to find out what he's packing is make out with him and have an old-fashioned grope session, like teenagers do. Feel all around his willy through his pants. Even under the pants would work, but you would have more trouble when you don't like what you find getting out the situation. If you meet his willy and don't think it is up to your size/texture standards, slowly go back to just kissing and say, I am sorry, this is all too fast for me, I need more time. Unless of course you have the balls to say "well, this isn't what I was expecting, sorry!" Good luck with that!
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
I have been single for about a year now but most of my friends are male. I finally got a date and told one of my best guy pals, and he flipped out on me telling me he is annoyed and basically treated me terribly, ending the conversation with a sarcastic "HAVE A NICE DINNER!!!!" What does this mean?? Is he secretly in love with me?? And if so, why do male friends wait till we get a simple date before they decide to react? ...By that time it's too late.
- Confused Connie

Dear Connie,
I know many men who are secretly lusting after/in love with their best gal pal. It is kinda hard for men and women to be just friends without any sexual tension or jealousy when a member of the opposite sex comes into the picture. If the guy friend shows jealousy or discomfort at all, it shows he was indeed waiting around for your friendship to turn into something more, be it just sex or love. So the good news is, you had a secret admirer all along. Bad news is, he didn't have the balls to act on it. Guy pals are often writing me and asking me how to take it further and I just tell them to go for it, what will be, will be. If they don't act at all and lash out on you when you get a date, it shows his lack of confidence and it shows his nasty side, both of which are a turn off. The dating game is also a survival of the fittest situation, and if you snooze, you loose. It is all up to your moody guy pal to apologize and up to you if you want to continue the charade. You can't help it if you are irresistible.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and finally agreed to tie the knot in Spain. All of his family and mine met there for the expensive, exclusive event. The night before the wedding, I found myself alone with his Blackberry in our hotel room. I couldn't help but see the names "Hannah," "Anna," and three other girl names on the main screen, as in, he had written to them that day, fresh mail. I read them all and broke down in tears to read the naughty things he wrote to each one, like "I hope you miss my love tool," etc., things that pointed to him having affairs with all of these women. He is very good looking and wealthy (and only 38), but then again so am I. I confronted him. He denied it in vain and finally admitted to the affairs. I made him write to each one telling them it is over and he is now a married, loyal man. We went through with the wedding, as I felt pressure, everyone was there and I believed his tears of regret, but I can barely eat since then and feel betrayed and livid, but still love him. I will be grateful for any words of wisdom.
- Sad Lisa

Dear Lisa,
Most women would have stood at the altar and said "No, I do NOT take this man, as he is a cheating asshole", but you took the other route. There are three ways to deal with this situation in my opinion. First, become apathetic about his affairs, turn the blind eye to his physical escapes with other women. After all, he chose you to marry, so he must love you. He has sex with other women; this doesn't mean he loves them. You have to be pretty strong to use this method, the "I don't care what or who you do when we are not together, just make sure you treat me right!" But you really have to stick to the "don't ask, don't tell" attitude, which is hard if you really love someone. Second, forgive him and start over, but you may turn into a mistrusting, paranoid, insecure nag: "what took you so long to get home, who were you with?" This is exhausting and will age you fast. Third, just turn around and walk away. Keep your self-respect and esteem while they are still in tact. If it was just one woman, it would be a tad easier, but your guy seems to be a Johnny Apple seed type, hard to tame such a man. Sometimes forgiving a cheater gives you the upper hand. Look at Kobe Bryant's wife. It may boil down to finding out what is more important to you, having the upper hand, or a man you can really trust.
- Dr. Dot