NY Rock: Dear Dr. Dot

Dear Kinky Sue,
Yes, I was shocked when I massaged my first Asian client and saw her jump nude onto the massage table. I thought, hmmm, maybe she put that hair-straightening crap in her pubes. But then I massaged another few and same deal. I am pretty sure they are the only race in which the hair on the head matches the hair on the naughty bits. You could make it fun and ask him to let you corn row them or maybe even perm them, but I doubt he will be amused. Leaving someone over pubic hair would be really shallow and you may burn in Hell for that one. "Here lies Sue; she died in search of a kinky Afro."
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
I sometimes feel like my girlfriend doesn't appreciate me. I do a lot for her. I buy her whatever she wants. I pay for her when we go out, and I'm a better boyfriend than the others she's had (the others were disgusting scummy pigs). Most of the time she talks to me as if I am insignificant to her. Please help me. Thank You.
- Rodney

Dear Rodney,
Sadly, whoever loves the most in the relationship, suffers the most (usually, not always). Sounds to me like you love her more than she loves you and she has the power. Believe it or not, if you were in a relationship where the girl loved you more than you loved her and she doted on you like you now dote on her, you may get bored. You should NOT let her push you around or disrespect you.

She could be subconsciously testing you, to see just how far she can push you. You need to show her just how far you can be pushed, which should have been done at the beginning of the relationship. You were probably too nice in the beginning like most of us are in hopes of winning someone over, but you set the stakes too high and now she is misbehaving like a bad puppy.

Be firm the next time you feel taken advantage of and say, "Listen, I'm not going for that," or "I have just about reached my limit with this situation (or with your behavior)."

Another point I want to make is you say her former guys were bad to her, but maybe she likes that. Maybe she feels she doesn't deserve such good treatment and resents you for treating her better than she deserves to be treated. That's human nature for you. In the end, do not take bad treatment from anyone. You have to ask yourself, do you like being mistreated? If you do, then stay with her and let her continue. If not, you may have to tell her, "change or I am out of here."

I hope this helps. There is a great book you can buy called How to Win the Love You Want, by Thomas W. McKnight & Robert H. Phillips. I highly recommend it, but hide it from her at all costs!
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
I may be too young for your column, but I need advice. I am only 16 and have been seeing an older guy (32). In fact, he is in a pretty popular rock band. We have had unsafe sex a few times (I take the pill) and since then I have been itchy and having other uncomfortable side effects down there. I am too embarrassed to mention it to him; I don’t want to make waves. How can I ask him if he has been messing around and all, without making him angry?
- Tiny Tina

Dear Tina,
Since he is older than you (much too old, even legally) he can handle the truth. Come right out and say to him, "Since we have been fooling around, I have been pissing hot razor blades. I need the truth from you so I can clear all this up with my doctor." This will make him feel at ease to tell the truth, which you will probably dislike, by the way. Always practice safe sex from now on. If he asks why the change, tell him you are off the pill as it makes you ill and insist on condoms. In my experience, rock stars are seldom physically true by the way; hence safe sex is a must.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
I am a straight man, as in, married with kids. On a business trip, I got drunk and found this younger guy to be so attractive; we ended up having sex. (I was the pitcher if you get my drift.) I am really afraid now; does this mean I have always longed to be gay? I am queer now? I still love my wife and don’t feel different, but I can’t look myself in the mirror anymore. What if it happens again?
- Nameless in NYC

Dear Nameless,
I think the fact that you cheated on your wife may be bothering you as much as the sex of the person you did it with. There is no correct answer to your questions, as only you can come up with the solution that eases your mind. I think that most people are at least curious about the same sex and some act on it, some don’t. Stop beating yourself up about it; what's done is done. Hopefully, no one finds out about it, as it would hurt your family and embarrass you. Even if you do feel "gay" now, you should go with what makes you happy. Life is too short to pretend. Sounds to me like you are feeling a bit repressed and need some excitement in your life. Hang gliding may be safer.
- Dr. Dot

Dear DD,
Sometimes when my girlfriend is having a hard time, be it with work, family or even with me, I try to cheer her up and ask her what's wrong, as I feel talking about it will help. She clams up and won't tell me why she is mad or upset. If I keep asking her she'll say something like, "It's not like I'm going to tell you," and then if I say, "Please don't do this to us. Just tell me babe," she gets either mad and tells me to stop bothering her about it or she ignores me. I want to know how in the hell do you talk to someone who feels bad, but won't tell you about it. Thank you so much.
- Sappy Sam

Dear Sam,
It's her loss if she doesn't take up your offer to vent. Females play this game fairly often. You ask them, "Honey, what's wrong?" and they say, "Nothing Fuck Face." Well, you could swallow your pride and keep begging her and when it finally comes out, it will usually be something like, "You don't do what I want you to do when I want you to do it, and/or I need attention!" Be a man and tell her once: "Honey, if you'd like to chat, I am all ears." If she doesn't, then forget about it and let her stew in her own dark secret juices. Life is too short to get upset over thoughts someone has in their head. It's almost trespassing if you force her to talk when she doesn't want to. The mind is a private space. If she acts snotty to you, that's a different story. Say to her, "Speak now or forever hold your peace." You are a boyfriend/husband, not her shrink. Sounds to me like she doesn't like to speak on demand, so why waste your time? Have a wank instead.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
Last year about this time, I started speaking with one of my exes again. He's one of the "ones that got away" and I can't stop my initial feelings for him.... You know, the PERFECT GUY. Well, what happens is, we'll start talking for a few days for hours upon hours, then one day he'll stop returning my calls for months. He'll call me a few months later and say he wants to marry me, and then drop off the face of the earth again. As you well know, there's only so much a girl can take, but he really is that perfect guy. My friends haven't been much help in the advice department, and I'm at the point where I'm utterly confused. What's a girl to do? Should I call him, make a move?
- Lovely Rita

Dear Rita,
I am almost positive he has a girlfriend. I am sure he can't forget you, but is in a relationship and is afraid leaving her for you is a mistake, so he can't decide. Many people do that; they are afraid to change waterfalls, but often take a dip to see how it feels. Calling him and chasing him is like the egg chasing the sperm. "Here I am, don't forget me, don't you want me?" sounds unnatural, right? Don't wait around; perfect or not, time is ticking and life is short. If a man can live without you, LET HIM!
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
My once "exciting" boyfriend never wants to go out anymore. In the beginning of our relationship we would go out on weekends, go dance and party. Now it's always the same, we go and rent movies and hang out in his apartment. I like him a lot, but I feel like an old couple already. When I ask him to go out, he says, "What for, we have everything we need here at home." Any tips for me?
- Bored Bonnie

Dear Bonnie,
I call guys like that "Blockbuster boyfriend." Before you make a plan to come to his flat, tell him on the phone, "I will meet you at the bar/club/restaurant at 8:00 pm. See you there, darling." The trick is to go out before you get to his place. If he doesn't go for that, then insist on only seeing him one night of the weekend and go out with your friends or alone if you have to. Tell him, "We can watch movies when we are old and unable to run around. I want to be in life, not watch it."
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
I am really into Irish men, not second generation, I mean the real deal. I go out of my way to find Irish bars, even if I have to drive an hour to go to one, just to meet them. Problem is they are always married, super arrogant and/or really drunk and scruffy. I have even posted ads in the paper but still cannot find a real Irish man. Something in me tells me I have to breed with one. It would help me a lot if you had any clever tricks or ideas for me; it's turned into an obsession now.
- Fran the Paddy fan

Dear Fran,
Just like a watched pot never boils, you will probably never find one by looking so hard. They probably act arrogant here because they know damn well with that sexy accent they can pull more trim here then back at home. They are exotic here and hence, have this rock-star attitude. Your best bet is to go to Ireland, then YOU will be the sought after, exotic one and you will have your pick of the Paddy crop. You are wasting your time trying to land one here. Have you tried myspace.com? You could meet a few online to test the waters. I have been there a few times and they are really friendly to cute foreign girls passing through. It's well worth the trip!
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
I have started seeing this guy I met in my gym. We finally made out (just oral sex, haven't shagged yet) but the odd thing is, he didn't kiss me. (He is kind of anal about germs, his house is super clean and neat and he shaves his whole body, you know the type.) He kind of kissed my neck a bit and nibbled around my ears, but would turn his head when I tried to plant my lips on his. Since we were in the middle of the fun, I didn't mention it. But it is bothering me big time. I have great breath, so that can't be it. Should I be offended? Should I mention it? Asking him to kiss me would make me feel masculine. I am pissed off!
- Perky Pam

Dear Pam,
You are right at being pissed off. Your mouth is good enough for his cock but not his mouth? Bullshit. I wouldn't even see him again if I were you. He has intimacy issues and has probably seen the film Pretty Woman a few too many times. Unless he comes up with a dentist note that says he was in too much pain to kiss you, tell him to kiss your ass goodbye.
- Dr. Dot

Dear Dr. Dot,
I want to make my girlfriend cum with my mouth, but it takes ages and my neck always hurts after. I mean, it's stiff for a few days after! All that work and it only worked once. Makes me wonder if it's even worth all the pain and effort. If you have any ideas to make this job easier, I will be extremely grateful (and so will my girl).
- Robert S.

Dear Robert,
I imagine she can sense you are not enjoying it and if this is so, no wonder she can't/won't cum. A girl has to feel and know that you really WANT her to cum. Once she knows you really, genuinely want her to climax, you have both won half the battle. Drag her ass to the corner of a bed, so her pussy is right at the corner. Kneel down and start licking her like a cow licks a block of salt, from bottom to top, nice and firm and in no hurry at all. Ask her, "Is this the right spot babe?" And if it is, keep doing the same thing over and over until she cums. It's all the stopping and starting and switching positions that fuck up her orgasm route. Be firm, patient and persistent and having her on the corner of the bed should ease your neck strain and if you are really a wimp, get a pillow for your knees while you're at it.
- Dr. Dot