Dave Grohl, "Probot" CD Review

Inspired by the underground heavy-metal heroes of the '80s is Probot, the self-titled CD and long-rumored project of four-time Grammy-award-winning Foo Fighters frontman/ex-Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl. The Probot disc is an eleven-track homage to the real men who played on volume 10. It features Dave's razor riffs slicing through the Clorox-gargling vocals of Cronos (Venom), Snake (Voi Vod) and Lemmy (Motorhead), to name a few of Probot's "who's who" of gloom and doom. Titles like "My Tortured Soul," "Centuries of Sin," and the unmerciful (and unpronounceable) "Octatosaurus" should be your first clues that if this isn't your father's thrash metal, it's damned close. Grohl has a gift for mimicry and Probot's original music could be easily mistaken for lost tracks from his metal heroes' inner sanctums.

Earthquake-inducing anthems aside, perhaps the most interesting aspect of the Probot project is how it came to be, with Grohl sending his instrumental tracks to unsuspecting collaborators with a Post-it note that read "Add Vocals." Alas, all the Probot product lacks is the million-note-per-minute guitar solos for which the thrash era was also infamous. Next time, if there is a Probot upgrade on the way, Dave would do well to make a few collect calls to enlist the help of such legendary six-string wizards as Sweden's Yngwie Malmsteen, Japan's Akira Takaskai or even Ozzy's lead lunk-head Zakk Wylde. But for the moment Grohl and his Probot cohorts have fulfilled their quest to recall the torturous ecstasy of a time when making eardrums bleed was the business of the day and as Beavis and Butthead would say, business did not suck.

Gene Simmons, "Asshole" CD Review

Speaking of butts, opinions it is said are like assholes. Everybody's got one. And few people are as opinionated as Kiss bassist Gene Simmons, whose new CD, Asshole, is due out April 20, a mere 25 years after his first solo album peaked at number 22 on the Billboard chart. Asshole is an especially apt title considering Simmons and his notorious seven-inch tongue's reputation for romancing, or at least trying to. Detox Darlings lead singer JetSet Jenna has had the dubious pleasure of encountering Simmons and his unbridled libido more times than she would prefer and Jenna has dubbed obscene Gene "The most disgusting person I ever met." Simmons surely would take the remark with a grain of salt, a shot of Tequila and then try to use Jenna as a life-size lick of lime.

"Doing a solo record is important because I write so many different kinds of songs," Simmons told Billboard magazine regarding Asshole's artistic reason for being; that and the fact that the polyurethane isn't dry yet on the new Kiss boxed set of autographed turds. So, for the auspicious occasion of his second solo outing, Gene dusted off thirteen ditties, some of which haven't been aired out since Jimmy Carter was president. Included are unexpected collaborations with actually talented people such as Frank Zappa and Bob Dylan. High-class collaborators aside, tis hard to imagine titles like "Black Tongue" (about eating licorice, no doubt) not standing proudly next to timeless Kiss masterpieces as "Let's Put the X In Sex" and "Lick It Up." Come Asshole's release date, time will tell if Simmons has yet again made Kiss-tory with another multi-platinum success or if Gene should have kept his opus and openings to himself.

"Rock & Roll War Stories" Book Review

Going to Ft. Lauderdale, Cancun or into the Witness Protection Program this Spring Break? Don't forget your condoms, sunscreen, and your copy of "Rock & Roll War Stories," a mostly amusing new collection of high-caliber anecdotes from musicians, managers and assorted suspicious types compiled by Gordon G.G. Gerbert and Lynn Ramage. Hard-kore Kiss fans, of which there must be hundreds, will no doubt recognize Mr. Gerbert as the semi-notorious author of "Kiss & Tell" and the imaginatively titled "Kiss & Tell More!" exposés.

The new tawdry and presumably true recollections -- running the gamut of on-stage, back-stage and back-seat settings -- make for beach or bathroom-ready page turning. My favorite tale in the book is courtesy of Stuart Smith, from the U.K. band Sidewinder, who learned a shocking and excruciating lesson about how it's never a good idea to urinate on an electric fence.

"War Stories" keeps literature alive with a battalion of bombshell bimbos, in camouflage thongs, who submitted photos to help illustrate the musician's endless artistic struggle between melody and beauty. Or just to help Gordo move product. So, go ahead, get caught reading "Rock & Roll War Stories." Just lock the door if you don't want to get caught doing anything more.

Courtney Love, "America's Sweetheart" CD Review

Lock up your medicine cabinets, car keys and anything flammable! Courtney Love, ex-Hole singer and Paris Hilton of the 6th Precinct is at large and armed with her debut solo disc America's Sweetheart. Courtney was arrested nine times (and counting) while working on the CD. And though not likely to take home any "Mother of the Year" honors, she has managed to come up with one mother of a punk-rock record. Infectious tracks like "Mono," "But Julian I'm a Little Bit Older Than You" and "Zeplin Song" are as tits-out rocking as anything in Love's roller-coaster career to date. The bleary ballad "Hold on to Me" displays a heretofore unseen sincerity and sensitivity that makes you want to trust her, despite recent talk-show and police-blotter appearances. Credit must be shared with such A-list collaborators as Bernie Taupin, Linda Perry and producer Matt Serletic for his pristine yet pulverizing production. Far from the maudlin Matchbox Twenty material for which Matt's better known, Serletic and co. make the most of Love's three-plus note range, and manage to keep her punk and blues cooking. Like the artist herself, America's Sweetheart is a loud, scattered, rocking affair that can grate on the nerves after more than a few minutes. But to Courtney's credit those minutes can be really great. As for growing old disgracefully, let's see Janet Jackson top this.

"Dawn of the Dead" Movie Review

This spring, Mel Gibson isn't the only director pimping a passionate picture involving a lead character rising from the grave. First-time director Zack Snyder impresses with Dawn of the Dead, a remake of George Romero's classic about an unexplainable plague that turns the world into a planet of zombies and bickering survivors holed up in a shopping mall trying to escape the ever-increasing number of cannibalistic corpses.

Thanks to Snyder's dedication to living up to Romero's cult classic, the remake includes a creepy, sexy-cool cast such as Sarah Polley and Ving Rhames (Pulp Fiction), not to mention the freakiest make-up work this side of Tammy Faye Baker's bathroom mirror. The movie is decidedly not for the squeamish, feint of heart or loose of stools. It is instead a relentless, turbo-charged update worthy of the Romero legacy. Fans of 2003's 28 Days Later and the zombie genre in general will want to tear right into Dawn of the Dead with bare claws. Check yer brains at the door (if ya don't want them eaten, that is).